Friday, October 08, 2010

Hearing from my sister

I wrote yesterday about my excommunication from my family partially because the story came up several times, in various forms, during the weekend at Seyon Lodge, and I thought it might be good to put it all in one place.  But while it was already on my mind because of those discussions, I got home on Sunday to find that, during the time I'd been partially incommunicado up at Seyon Lodge (I had Internet access but wasn't checking everything I usually check, or as often), I'd gotten an email from my sister.

As I said yesterday, all these years I'd had the impression she was part of my mother's "we" and that she was therefore just as upset with me as my mother (or at least enough to not speak to me), and thus, part of my exclusion from the family.  But she says that that's not entirely the case.  She didn't go into details, but part of it is that my mother didn't tell her the whole thing.  And more than just the "only hearing one side of the story" part that is inevitable in the circumstances.  And part of it was that she'd been pressured, and had decisions made for her.  She's not elaborating and I don't see a reason to push the question.  For whatever reason, all these years she felt that she couldn't or shouldn't contact me, or that if she did, I would be angry or upset, and her overture would be unwelcome.  Meanwhile, I never contacted her because I thought she wouldn't want to hear from me, and I was respecting that desire.

So we're now making a little effort to reconnect.  We've been filling each other in about what's been going on in our lives.  There could be some awkwardness since she's still in touch with our mother, who might not be totally happy to see this going on, but we'll see what happens if it happens.

This is unfamiliar ground for me and I am not even sure what I hope to see come of it.  I certainly wasn't expecting it.  And funny it should happen literally on the day of my twentieth anniversary vow renewal, when I found myself telling people about my family situation, and occasionally thinking about whether anyone in my family might have wanted to be invited (and concluding they wouldn't).  The universe waited a decade to pick that moment for this to happen.  Silly universe.  Maybe this is, after all, a sentimental Hollywood movie.  I wonder who's playing me.


litlfrog said...

Wow, that's a weird coincidence. I hope good things come of it. I think you're being played by Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Hawthorn Thistleberry said...

That's flattering, I think! On the other hand, given the types of movies he tends to do, it might not bode well for the outcome of my relationships.

TaraAubrey said...

I'm just sorry it took me so long...the question marks affected things, but don't have to anymore. I like clean slates, and hope we truly have one to work with. And I would have to agree - while I think Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a great actor, most of his characters are not who I'd be hoping to encounter in this situation - many of them tend to be jerks. Of course, you could be hallucinating this in Synecdoche, NY...maybe.